you know that scene simpsons Where we finally get a peek inside Homer’s closet and discover that there are only a hundred sets of white shirts and blue pants in there? Well, if we men were left to our own devices, all of our cabinets would look like this. We don’t go clothes shopping, and when we do, we focus on things that are comfortable and familiar rather than taking a risk on something that could potentially make us look like Zoolander. We don’t trust our own interests enough to make this kind of decision. That’s why we need your help – our spouses and partners. Is that childish? Of course it is! But come on, we all remember that day in middle school wearing a hot pink G&S windbreaker we thought would make us look “hella cool,” but Dan Parrish said it looked like a scratch-and-sniff sticker, don’t we, guys? It turned us into scaredy cats.
But here’s the secret—if someone we trust gives us something stylish to wear, we love it. It’s like a seal of approval. A green light. This takes the pressure off because we didn’t choose it. Someone with real taste did it. We can wear it with pride. And with the holidays upon us, now is the perfect time to finally brighten up your wardrobe. So this year, get a little risky with your friend’s costume—take him out of Homer-mode but assure him he won’t look like Zoolander. He won’t do it himself. And believe me, he will thank you for it. If he doesn’t, you can blame me – I’m very fast in my aerodynamic pink windbreaker and I can outrun him when he comes to exact revenge.
J.Crew T-Shirt: J. The Crew knows how to get the essentials right – a quality tee that fits right and lasts forever. Please give me a pocket on my t-shirt and thank you. I have several colors of this shirt.
Best flannel ever: This is the softest, coziest flannel I have ever worn. If my pits didn’t smell so bad I would wear this every day.
Waterproof Shoe: It rains a lot here in Portland. These keep feet comfortable and dry, even when the atmospheric river is flowing.
Oxford button-down: I have the green version, and it’s my go-to date night shirt.
Taylor Stitch T-Shirt: I break out this t-shirt for special occasions. It has that casual-but-special vibe that’s hard to find, and it looks much more expensive than it is.
DU/ER No Sweat Pants: These are my favorite pants; I wear them almost every day. They have a little stretch, which makes them super comfortable, and they go with everything. A great option for someone who needs to break out of the ‘I only wear jeans’ mentality.
Camp Pants: These kids are fat. They feel like you can walk through walls without getting scratched. But they look good enough to wear to dinner parties.
Rollneck Sweater: This will look good on any man and make him feel like a salty sailor. Right after taking these photos, I stole a tugboat and went out into the high seas with a pipe in my mouth.
Jeans: I didn’t know jeans could feel indestructible. These are like the Apex Predator jeans from Taylor Stitch. Not too tight, not super baggy, they win the denim game.
WORKHORSE HOODED JACKET: This thing is my number one winner this year. It’s tough and rugged, with a waxy, water-resistant finish, but it’s so stylish that I want to wear it everywhere.
Iron Ranger Boots: I plant these every year. Nothing feels worse than wearing these shoes. Your man will love them.
Cardigan: This thing is a rule. Everyone who sees it asks me where it’s from. It feels like a warm embrace from your grandfather. And it’s so well made, I think I’ll still have it when I’m a grandfather.
Henley: Emily compliments me whenever I wear the black version of this. For that reason, I bought four more in different colors. There are lots of places to find Henley, but J. Crew is my favorite.
Nike Shorts: I have these in 5 and 7 inches. They are amazing. And built-in leggings mean you don’t have to wash a lot of undies. Now it’s time to free the upper thigh!
A&F Sweatshirt: The softest, stretchiest, best looking hoodie I have ever owned. This is a big step up from the Hanes Zip-Up I wear.
Lakeside Jacket: I love this casual, lightweight jacket. It can be worn over a button-up for date night or over a t-shirt for boys’ night.
Nike: These are exactly the kind of “casual but not too casual” shoes. I can literally wear these to any event and feel confident.
Slipper: Don’t buy these if you don’t have experience walking on soft clouds. They’re so comfortable and cozy, I wish I could wear them to dinner or the grocery store. I mean, I guess I could try, Lebowski did, right?
bluetooth headphones: These babies have been my favorites for years. I use them for yard-work, airplane rides, and to teach middle-school students “6-7!” To chant. They’re cleaner and more noise-reducing than others I’ve tried. And cheaper than the “Beats” version.
Poker Set: A starter poker set that I play with my 12-year-old son (and he’s now taught poker to his friends). Oops! The chips are heavy and sturdy and seem expensive for the price. Plus, the metal case makes you feel like a gangster.
Theragun: I’ve heard that the key to longevity is to do heavy squats. Whoever came up with that theory should be personally punched. Squats suck. But I do them anyway. And when I’m in pain, I use Theragun to relax, a must for chronic farters like me.
Incredible Office Chair: I looked at three office chairs before finding this one. For the price it is the best we have ever seen – stylish, comfortable, adjustable and easy to assemble. It looks vintage without much effort.
mug warmer: I have the woodgrain version (I use my own ceramic mug), not included. Keeps coffee hot for hours and is much cheaper than some other coffees. I can’t believe it took me so long to use one of these.
Standing Desk Top: When I’ve been writing for hours and my butt needs a rest, I put this baby on my desk and stand up to get some fresh energy. It is also easy to fold and hide when not in use.
Viral Slim Wallet: Two of our male friends swear by this wallet (can’t get scammers CC#, bulky, and stores all cards securely). I need one in my stocking.
Best fountain pen: Hear me out – I know fountain pens sound a little ridiculous, but my friend gave me one when I graduated from my writing program, and I’ll never write with anything else. There is such a charm about scratching out notes with a fountain pen. It’s not as messy as you’d think, just baller.
Leather Double Sided Card Holder: A classic wallet that is very slim and attractive. In this, cards are kept on the edges and cash is kept in the middle. No more Costanza cheeks.
Backpack Cooler: Priceless. It will be used on every outing. It’s big enough for everyone’s drinks and lunch, and comfortable enough to walk around with for hours.
CAN INSULATOR: This is a must have for the beer or soda drinkers in your life. Keeps your cold clothes cool for hours. I was skeptical, but they really work.
Electric lawn mower: All of these power tools use the same interchangeable batteries, so you can mix and match between devices. The batteries are very powerful and last longer than you might expect. If I had a garage with all this, I would be excited to do yard work every Sunday.
Electric Blower: We use it a lot during the autumn season.
Electric Multi-Tool: This thing has lots of uses around the yard. It’s like a Swiss Army knife for work.
Electric Power Washer: Who doesn’t need a good power washer? And think of all the water fights that happen on Christmas morning!
Solo Stove: We use it all the time. Chopping wood makes me feel like a man, then remain manly when the smoke from it disappears and tears are no longer in my eyes.
Rechargeable Torch: Long lasting, good looking. The reviews are great, and I can always use a reliable flashlight.
Folding Rocker: If you’re still sitting in a non-rocking lawn chair while your child plays, you don’t know what you’re missing.
cooking
Smash Burger Press: I know smash burgers are starting to fall out of favor, but they’re still one of my favorites to eat and make. Roll some meatballs, toss them on a flat surface and break them up with this press. Makes a perfect burger every time.
oven mitts: I used to joke about all the torn and worn out oven mitts in our kitchen – these have changed the game. They are fast, heat resistant and manly. Yes your Highness!
BBQ Books: Emily gifted me these BBQ books for my birthday, and I can’t wait to open them. They’re from the most famous Austin BBQ restaurant I’ve ever been to.
meter thermometer: The best way to cook the perfect steak, turkey, or chicken. Friends love the apps, and this one is more high-tech and accurate than a traditional meat thermometer.
Weatherproof Speaker: We got it for backyard parties, but use it for everyday things – the sound is really great, especially the bass, it’s waterproof, and my kids love its light show (you can turn it off if you want).
Leatherman Multitool: The new styles of these babies make them a must-have. Just imagine how good you’ll feel with this thing stuck on your belt loop.
Monogrammed canvas weekend bag: What a serious matter. Great looking bag and great price. Also, can you put my initials on it? I’m in.
Beard Trimmer: I haven’t shaved completely in decades. This is the best trimmer I have found so far. It never gets stuck and holds its charge longer than others.
****These require links***
Dopp Kit: A good cosmetic kit is a must have. i got it the small one For Charlie to use at sleepovers and camping trips, and I use leathery To hide all your bathroom stuff while traveling
Dr. Squatch Deodorant: I’m a sweaty guy, and unfortunately, I’ve worn deodorant containing aluminum most of my life, so I’ll probably eventually grow metal plates in my pits, but luckily, there are now several natural alternatives. their soap Is also good.
Curl Balm: Do you see my hair in the picture? I’ve been trying to get rid of my curly hair since I was in high school, because I wanted straight hair like Jordan Catalano. But now I’m embracing my curls, and this Evo Curl Balm is so amazing; It also helps make my hair look thicker, which is a big deal for those of us who are thinning.
Nutrafol: Speaking of slimming, I take a Nutrafol every day, and I wish I had started years ago. I have definitely noticed a difference.
Footer Builder: I know, it’s childish, but trust me, this is what your husband wants. This makes a fun gag gift for stocking. Children will also like it very much.
custom hat: This is really special – you can emblazon a high quality hat with anything you want. I’ve made hats with my dogs’ names or my kids’ elementary school names. Make a custom hat with his favorite thing or slogan.
Bidet: Another weird one, but honestly it’s a home run. We enjoyed the bidet at the Mountain House and I miss it very much.
That’s all I got this year. I hope this helps you with your man-focused gift giving. I know I would be excited to find any of these under the tree. Then I could take the tree outside and cut it down, and blast it with my new power tools.
Happy Holidays!
*by photos Caitlin Green
