Four years ago, I was struggling a lot mentally. In short, I was telling a very terrible story about myself, living inside my failures, not really seeing anything positive about what I was doing (in terms of work). This was around the time TikTok disrupted media so much that attention shifted away from blogs and even IG (thank God, it shifted back), which significantly impacted all of our numbers. Therefore my dependence on social media had to increase. And listen, I’m extremely grateful for social media because it basically supports my team and my family, but living inside it can be extremely toxic if you’re not taking care of yourself mentally, which obviously I wasn’t at the time. I constantly compared myself to others (my looks, my weight, my likes/ideas, my home, even just the amount of stuff I was able or unable to prepare). I only saw myself getting weaker, looking older and not performing at the level others were doing. And then I shamed myself for caring about all those things, knowing that I was failing to evolve as much as I thought I was. And while I was proud of the boundaries I set to keep my time with my kids safe (no more than 5 p.m., no weekend posting), it felt like restricting my social media use wasn’t good for business. So I felt trapped – I didn’t want to waste my time with my kids for something I didn’t value, but was afraid that if I didn’t do it, the business would fall off a cliff, and then what? Although I never wanted to give up completely, I stopped saying yes to annual contracts or anything that locked me in for more than a few months, or worked myself out of it if needed, or just took a sabbatical to be able to rethink it all with a clear mind. And then I would feel a lot of guilt and shame around that — even thinking about leaving a career that offered so much autonomy, joy, and financial security felt like a slap in the face to all the people who were stuck in jobs they actively didn’t like. I still like the work, and I appreciate my team, but I no longer feel like I was good at some parts of it (mostly the social media parts). I was just beating myself up and grinding. I was seriously worried that I was a relic of the past, completely irrelevant and not keeping up with the times (let alone the Joneses). I’m really grateful for everything my career has given us, but I was so consumed by my negative self-talk that I became very spiritually ill. I needed a massive mental shift. Outwardly, I was still positive; Only Brian and my close friends knew I was struggling. It’s not that I thought my life was useless, I just thought it was useless. It was a true midlife career crisis, a cycle so long and deep that I didn’t know how to reset it on my own.
For years I’ve been doing winter girls trips with my three best childhood friends, but this year was 911 for me. These are my soul sisters (so cheesy, but no other description makes sense). Thirty-five years of friendship, support and deep spiritual connection. The four of us are open to anything (we’ve always incorporated some form of spirituality into our weekends – sound baths, tarot, mediums, spiritual counselors, etc.). So I pitched a “wellness resort” – Canyon Ranch in Tucson (I admit to objecting to the word ‘wellness’ these days). My newlywed sister-in-law worked there at that time and could meet all of us 90% Relaxation with friends and family. What was normally $1,200 per person per day would be $120 for us. Really crazy. The kicker? No alcohol. No alcohol consumption. No martinis at the end of the day. But it was planned for January when I don’t drink anyway, so we said, yes, let’s go for it. (Canyon Ranch now has some alcohol, but it’s limited to a one-hour happy hour only.)
One of my best friends brought us all the books super attractive By Gabrielle Bernstein. Sure, it’s a terrible cover, but I was willing to do/read anything that might help (and honestly, sometimes the exact content doesn’t matter; the work and dedication to the process is what’s effective). I dive right in, do the work (mantras, journaling, clearing my blocks, calling on my spirit guide). I’m a good student, and while a skeptic, I’ve had some spiritual experiences in the past that changed my life/outlook, so this didn’t strike me as too strange. And it 100% changed my life (again). I’ve read a lot of these books and they all focus on the same thing (four agreementslacey phillips how to reveal And many lives, many teachers also had a massive impact) but I think it was more of an impact not only because of the way she writes (which is friendly and entertaining) but because of this combination of the weekend – exercise, friends, sleep, time, nature, space. I also just started Tara Swart Signalhis first book Sourcewas more about expression (he’s a neuroscientist), but it’s about talking to the other side, and that’s wild.
We exercised 2-4 hours a day (including hiking), ate very healthy, slept a lot, read, journaled, and then verbally digested for hours with our best friends, who were reading the exact same book.
It was an enlightenment. I felt hydrated and nourished on all levels, and I was bursting with new growth. I came back bouncing off the walls that weekend, filled with so much love not only from my friends and me, but also from the universe/God. I know how it sounds, but there’s no other way to say it. I was so positive, so full of light, I saw everything so differently, like I was literally wearing rose-colored glasses. The same things that motivated me 6 days ago, I now see as a gift, an opportunity, a fun challenge. It wasn’t that “only” 60 thousand people watched my reel, but it was “how lucky I am that 60 thousand people watched our reel”.
Ladies, we can’t make meaningful change without giving ourselves healthy time and space away from triggers and chaos to learn and grow. You can’t just “get better” or “figure things out,” especially if you’re a working mom, which means you have two full-time jobs, juggle different tasks on a daily basis, are desperate to be great at both, and are probably beating yourself up for being inferior at either one.
We went to Canyon Ranch three times (once just Brian and I) until my sister-in-law stopped working there. But now I’ve re-prioritized my girls’ weekend to focus on feeling better (inside and out) rather than just “having fun.” Life is too short to come back and recover. Obviously, these weekends are lots and lots of fun, just in a different way.
I’ve now been to 6 different “wellness resorts” (none as high-end as Canyon Ranch, but some are even better in my opinion). If you’re interested, I can review them all. It’s certainly an exciting topic (it’s a privilege to even have the time, let alone the budget) – so I want to make sure the appetite is there. I’ve also organized 2 DIY retreats at Airbnbs when we wanted to save money and achieve a similar result. When the elements are present, you can do it anywhere.
Now, not everyone is in the same life mindset, and this may seem very boring to some people. But that’s all I want to do now, I have consistently felt a lot of improvement in my mental and physical health after each one. If you’re interested, I’ll review resorts I’ve been to (trust me, it was hard to find reviews online from people I trusted). No one was sponsored or exempted; I don’t think I posted systematically even while I was there. Just some middle aged women taking a break from it all to connect with each other and our spirituality, work out, eat healthy food, read, journal, sleep, spa like crazy and come home looking like 40% better humans 🙂
