If you like reading other people’s diaries, peeking into medicine cabinets, or are just weirdly curious about how other families and marriages really work (or don’t), you can join us in today’s announcement — something we’ve been wanting to do for a year and a half. Brian has been wanting to write more here for some time about us, the expectations (and disappointments) of midlife, parenting, masculinity – virtually all the challenges. as life We Experience it. I also want to write from a personal perspective, along with a lot of “inside the business” content (I have stories). But it’s all solidly non-design related, and at times the platform felt wrong for that, both in theme and security. And yet we all feel a little embarrassed or ashamed about our failures or challenges (ask our friends), and Brian is a brilliant writer and sharer, I think many of you (or your partners) can relate to that. So we’re launching a personalized Substack newsletter, which is a weekly paid newsletter that comes to your inbox, called “Brian and Em”. This will inevitably be a landing spot for many dangerously vulnerable posts that we don’t want to be so open to public consumption (and the potential backlash that could generate). Posts I’ve wanted to write here (or have already written), but have been too afraid to publish. I think about them, write, draft, edit and they just sit back and wait for “the right day”. This blog will remain 100% the same – I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll still write some personal posts here. These other posts will be both thoughtful and spontaneous. It will be everything we talk about with our friends, just shared online with people who are into it.
How? What will you write about??
I thought a list of titles might give you a better example of where my head is at. Here are some I’ve already finished or want to write:
- How (and why) we made our home safe from porn and online gambling to protect our kids (I didn’t know you could do that)
- Why So Many Mormons Became Bloggers in the Oughts (As a former Mormon, I have lots of insight). speaking of which…
- Which Mormon Cultural Traditions Has My Own Family Adopted (Super Solid Ideas)
- In business, I have always listened to my gut, where I have made mistakes, and what it has taught me instead.
- My daughter wants to become a YouTuber. Here’s how we’re handling it
- What are we most strict about in our home (it certainly doesn’t matter how we grew up)
- How (and why) I told my kids what 69 means…
- How our beloved cat Bearcat really died (the best lie Brian ever told me)
- Small Business Stuff – My PTO policy, who handles our HR, and do I have a CFO??
- Why We Didn’t Have a Third Child (And Do I Regret Stopping at 2?)
- How We Talk About Money With Our Kids (Oops, It’s Like a 10-Part Series)
- How We Almost Hired an Attractive Nanny…And Why We Didn’t
The list really goes on and on. Every day when I walk in, I have new ideas, things that I think would be fun to gossip about, but it doesn’t feel like that here on the blog. Some are more long-form (duh), and some are just ideas, theories, or recommendations that I want to share, and I wonder if other people will connect with.
What about Brian? What will he write about?
This whole matter started because of him. He’s been working on a novel for a few years (and finished a creative writing program last year), and now that it’s complete and he’s pitching it, he has a lot more to write, and on the more personal side. I’m going to brag a little, but he’s really thoughtful, willing, curious, and open (not to mention the most supportive partner and father). Dax Schaefer next door (he’s going to kill me for saying that, but if you’ll listen chair specialistyou know what I’m talking about). But he felt awkward putting it on a very widely read design blog (since his posts were never design related and apparently some of his humor wasn’t that well received, even though I personally find them hilarious). You may remember the posts documenting his vasectomy, or even how the therapy changed his life. They would be the same way (LOL… no sarcasm intended).
From Brian…
“During Substack, I’ll be exploring all kinds of men’s issues, from my personal stories. I’ll tell you about my journey with therapy and how it saved my marriage. I’ll answer questions: What’s it like to be the husband of a breadwinner? What effect does being the primary parent have on my masculinity? Why do I still have a hard time talking to my wife about certain things? Why do I sometimes withhold affection? I’m more of a guy today. How to parent? Why am I still insecure about sex after so many years?”
He continues: “I also want it to be a dialogue, so I’ll answer readers’ questions – okay, ‘answering’ isn’t exactly the right thing. But if you’re struggling at home or in life, with your spouse or partner, I’ll give you my honest perspective from a male perspective. Somewhat like Ask Amy, but with a jock strap. There will be blind spots – I’m just a middle-aged white man. But hopefully, if I can personally and clearly That’s it, something universal will come out that anyone can relate to.
Obviously, we’re not perfect or experts in any relationship-related matter, but after 25 years together, we feel really comfortable talking about the things most couples go through. Or maybe we’re just know-it-alls and love to give advice…
How much is this? How does this work?
The lowest you can charge is $5 per month (and then Substack takes a cut of that for credit card fees, etc.), so that’s what we’re starting with (it’s just us right now, so our overhead is just our time). For us, it provides a safety barrier, a buffer that keeps people invested in us and hating readers (unless they pay). If you’re a longtime reader and this is a barrier, please email hello@emilyhenderson.com, and I’ll give you 3 months free. Right now, posts will arrive in your inbox on Saturday or Sunday mornings (this is when we read the Substacks we subscribe to). But anything can change based on learning.
It’s an experiment, something we really wanted to try, but there are a lot of unknowns. Sometimes, we think we can expand it into a podcast, and sometimes, we’re nervous about exposing our marriage to the public. Obviously, we’ll protect our kids and write mostly about general issues related to parenting, but not about us specifically, in a way we might regret later. Our phone and social media policy? Sure. How are we managing the trend of video game addiction? Yes. Because they are more universal problems. But there’s nothing personal about everyone – it’s more about us than them.
The first post Brian wrote is a reflection on the therapy that changed his life and our marriage (and it’s not just typical talk therapy). go there Subscribe for 1 week free and see what you think.
xx – Emily and Brian
*by photos Caitlin Green
