I feel like it’s been a minute since we talked, so making a quick decision, we put up an Instastory and asked people to “Ask me anything.” I know many of you aren’t on social media, so please ask me anything in the comments next time! Some were personal, some were design questions, and all were greatly appreciated. So let’s get straight to it. You know I wanted to start with personal questions 🙂
Personal/Life Questions:
How can anyone dare to move out of the state where they have been living for a long time?
Life is about give-and-take, and we all know that there is no ideal place to live, no ideal school, no ideal neighborhood, no ideal partner, no ideal job, etc. You may never find it, but you can connect more closely with the macro and micro things that are more important to you if you can clearly identify them. I’m from Portland, and because of the strong bond here and genuine love for nature, we were tempted to move back years ago. It’s very difficult once your roots are dug up. Brian and I long ago had an epic pros and cons list that I always recommend. Our life was great on a day-to-day basis, but long-term life in LA was unstable, expensive, and had a lot of future challenges that I didn’t feel equipped (at the time) to handle. It became increasingly clear to us that we needed to simplify, slow down, create more time and space for ourselves, be closer to nature, and reconnect with our family and our childhood best friends. Looking back, we probably would have been able to do all this without leaving LA or CA, but we didn’t see that at the time (how having two kids would do that to you). Then the pandemic came and we made a choice. This was the right choice for us. But we miss our friends a lot, and that’s the hardest part about leaving. It’s obviously a lot easier to do this with a partner, but we realized that as long as we had each other and our kids, no matter where we ended up, we’d be okay, and we could always go back if we made the wrong choice.
What non-TV things do you do with your 12-year-old son?
This is a great question because I’ve struggled with this. It’s much easier to feel closer to your children when you have shared interests. Elliot (my 10-year-old daughter) and I can do anything together because we just love doing the same things, and Charlie and I don’t have the same interests and hobbies. I’ve also tried several uncle/son video game dates (which makes them extremely happy). But I can only pretend to enjoy it for 20 minutes when it’s clear I don’t know how to play, and he appreciates the effort. So lately I’ve tried to focus on what I love best – hugging, comforting, validating, and talking. We have our own cuddle area where we both snuggle up and watch TV, which has two dog beds with a fur blanket over them in front of our fireplace and every night he says, “Okay Mom, our nest is ready,” which I find stinks. (Our family is binging survivor The first time and loving every second of it.) We do 30-second hugs – before he goes to school and when he gets home and it’s very, very sweet and bonding (I usually tell him I need a hug, but I know it calms both of our nervous systems). We talk a lot side by side – in the car, on walks, or casually in the hot tub. When in doubt, I bring up things from my junior years, when I got in trouble or friend drama happened, which always kept him busy. The other day, there was a lull in conversation (as it is with 12 year old boys), and I heard that a friend of his had gotten in trouble for stealing from the plaid pantry. So instead of asking him about it and expecting a reward, I asked him if I told him about the time I got caught stealing. The boy was shouting, full of questions and disbelief. Then later, he volunteered to tell the story about his friend, and we were able to talk to him openly about it; Apparently, he felt safe. Not sure if this will help, but it was a good reminder that the best approach is to do what I do naturally best, and let Brian do all the bonding things they do together. Can affection be our common interest? 🙂 If so, we have a lot in common.
Do you keep in touch with Orlando, and do you think you’ll work together again?
Yes! Orlando and I text and DM often and talk on the phone maybe once a year (which doesn’t seem like much, but they’re usually long conversations, so I still feel connected to him). He always threatens that he will write for the blog, which is in the works 🙂 Social media tells us about each other’s lives, and the years when we were practically inseparable (for me from 30-35 years) will always keep us close. I will always be a big fan. subscribe also its substack!!! This is a great read.
How have you found the journey from California to Oregon in terms of mental health? Do you suffer from seasonal depression? suggestions?
It can be a tough transition, especially the first year (and it certainly was for us – the wettest year in 80 years!!). But we’ve gotten used to it now (thank God), and I’d say there’s usually about 10 days of rain in late January/early February where I’m over it and just want to hide in my room and watch love is blindFrom what I know it is a symptom of SAD. But leaving that aside, moving here has been great for my mental health because I spend a lot of time in nature, which is abundant in Oregon, even in the winter. I try to do all the things I can to avoid SAD: exercising, walks, making soup with a podcast, reading juicy novels, building a fire, sauna, cold walks, winter hikes, decluttering the house, cozy bars with friends. Also, just know that it’s okay to hibernate and sleep a lot in January. And then I try to book a weekend with friends in February to Arizona or Palm Springs, or try to book a sunny trip for spring break. Oh, and even though I haven’t successfully learned to ski, going to the mountain and being out in the snow, learning to cross-country ski has been a big plus. I promise the six months of glorious greenery and sun make it worth it.
Oh, and here’s a life hack for me PNW folks: We make spring our big trip of the year and look for the sun in March. It avoids the crowds and heat of summer travel, and then we get to hang out here (and the rest of the PNW or Montana/Colorado) for the summer when it’s so spectacular. I always tell the kids, people come from all over the world to climb these falls and see the canyons or the coast (they’re not impressed by how special it is to live here, but they will be one day, like I did).
Design-related questions: :
What happens when a trendy color scheme comes along, but you don’t like it?
Oh my god, this happens to me all the time. Right now, “ugly” colors are in, and it’s become quite difficult! Right now, people are really interested in these shades of green that look dirty and dirty to me, or tan, lots of tan! But then I see them properly, in a good context, paired with bold pops of color, and my mind changes. Generally, I can see the appeal of a color palette, I just don’t want to live inside it. My first reaction is “no thanks” because it’s out of my comfort zone, but after a few times of watching it, I start to appreciate it, and then sometimes I become a legitimate fan. Admittedly, when it comes to color I’m not as risky as I’d like to be, so I like to be confronted with a popular palette and find out how long it will take me to convert, or not.
How did you develop confidence in yourself as a designer?
I wonder if the question is more “How do you know if you’re good at something?” Unfortunately, even outside of natural ability, this only happens through time, mistakes, risk taking, and successes. Although design isn’t objective, it’s nice that you can be in a room and actually see if it works (or doesn’t). A lot of people are really happy in their homes and excited about how it looks, which starts to feel like one win after another regardless of the internet. I feel like I have too many rooms that aren’t working. But mostly I like to quote Michael Jordan to my kids (and myself):
“I’ve missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I was trusted to take a game-winning shot and I missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that’s why I succeed.”
How inspiring is that? Michael Jordan has one of the worst shooting/scoring records in the NBA. To win you have to make a lot of shots. God, I’ve designed so many rooms with varying degrees of success over 16 years, and I still Miss, but have confidence because I think I win a lot too? (And I’m not a perfectionist, thank God). I don’t think there is any other way to magically get confidence, but I could be wrong 🙂 I think there are some visionary people out there who have a different approach and have real confidence right out of the gate, so maybe ask them 🙂
How to find time for home projects with young children?
I’m amazed at all the people who can honestly do home projects with young children. It requires first a lot of desire, then desire, determination and hard work. I’m spoiled with the team that helps me and the deadlines that can’t be missed. But when it comes to projects that Brian and I want to tackle, we have to schedule them pretty far out, mentally prepare for them (aka remind Brian that we both agreed to do it, hahaha), and then actually try to hold us to those dates. If you’re doing a small remodel project, you’ll have to mentally commit to the disruptions too, but know that they will pay off and you’ll have remodel amnesia later 🙂 Have low expectations, be okay with “pretty good” (not perfect), and try to make it fun with music, friends, and beer (this might actually be my general mantra in life).
Are painted accent walls out? Were they ever inside? I don’t know anything.
There are always exceptions, but yes, painting a random wall a different color in a four-walled room is generally not possible unless it is in a niche or an architecturally appropriate wall to be different. But I’ve also seen doing it this way works!
There’s a lot we want to tackle with our house! How to prioritize and finance options?
Although I never want to shame our homes (hey, we’re all lucky to have a home like this), maybe take a look and list the pain points in order of most painful?? Fix them and rank them? Like, what’s a constant frustration that can really change your everyday experience in your home, versus something that’s just a little annoying that might get better? What’s driving you crazy every day? Do that first.
How did you develop your style? Did you have any failures?
I’m still developing my style and changing all the time to find what I think fits my personality, but I’ve always struggled with how many different styles I like at the same time, which isn’t very common (most people stick to 1-2 styles). It’s only through exposure to styles that you begin to pay attention to what you’re most attracted to, and then you see consistent patterns. If you’re like me and love lots of things of different styles (which is definitely the hard route), make sure to curate or collect within a color palette so you can put things together without looking super disorganized or thrift store-y (which includes some people, not just me :)).
These are really funny to me, so please ask more in the comments. xx
Opening Image Credit: Photo by Caitlin Green
