Growing up Mormon, you wear a CTR ring – a constant reminder to “Choose the Right One.” As an adult non-Mormon, I really like this concept – just not with any religious or ethical affiliation. CTR is the Mormon version of WWJD, which I also like – a symbol that reminds you to make good choices. But today I’m not talking about choosing “good” over “bad”, I’m talking about choosing what you feel. better When I get stuck in a sad or depressed mood (the long dark wet winters here are challenging). Last April, I read something that was pretty much life-changing (and almost stupid in its simplicity). This is how a famous happiness psychologist (sorry, I’ve forgotten who) defined his “keys”. Feeling Happy”. Listen, I, like most people, am wary of the privileged gurus who tell others how they should be happy (*cough** myself included), but once in a while there’s always a point, and then as an indispensable participant I want to tell you. You see, when I’m stressed, depressed, or in a negative loop, I don’t easily turn to healthy things (french fries, wine, chocolate, hiding in the dark). could love is blindAvoiding everyone and everything, procrastinating in the name of “self-care,” blah blah) and sometimes these are totally fine but they almost never contribute to making me feel better. and I know it. And then I get very angry at myself for not being able to make a better choice, and so the cycle begins. This isn’t always easy or natural for me; I have to force it, but when I do, it always works.
Here it is (don’t laugh): Step 1: Identify the things that make you feel GoodAnd then, Step 2: Do them as often as possible.
It almost seems too easy. Now obviously there are a lot of things that are out of our control that deeply impact our individual “happiness” (including, you know, social systems of oppression, health/marriage/money problems, daily threats, childhood trauma, mental health, chronic illness/pain, patriarchy) so the point isn’t to fix any of that – it’s just about fixing what we have the power to control, which is our attitude and state of mind. Incidentally, when I am in a more positive mood I am definitely in a better position to tackle any big problem or think big. When I started doing this 2-step approach six months ago, it absolutely changed my day (and life), and I want to make a conscious effort to do more of it next year (November/December is always a little slippery for me, so it’s great to get back into it).
Now, we can all easily make lists of things we “like to do”, things that are “fun” for us, or even our “favorite” things to do, but this list is different. It’s less “bottomless mimosa brunch” (which is fine!) and more about doing something that makes you feel really good about yourself, both during and more importantly. after You have done it. And the hope is that these little micro “stuff” can add up to a better day (and then life).
So in the name of Internet self-indulgence, I thought I’d make my list for you:
- long walks: With puppies, with kids, with close friends, or with Brian talking all problems or just with a great podcast – weighty or not, nature or outdoors. Just walk.
- keep your kids busy by doing something They want to do: Doing a craft with Elliot and playing chess with Charlie (and no, I don’t always feel like this, but it always feels good afterward).
- “Connecting” with Brian.
- any date night conversation Where we don’t talk about logistics (which helps with #3)
- preparing and eating a healthy soup or any Sunday meal preparation (I always feel so proud of myself! And my week goes so much better) – Always work with a podcast if the kids aren’t helping. And very enjoyable.
- Cleaning or organizing while listening to an entertaining podcast (Can this be considered a “hobby”? But yes, I also use it to escape from other things, so I have to be careful here…)
- Weekend TV Shows Stay Connected to My Family: Watching something we all love equally. Simple shared experiences with lots of physical touch (this is past seasons now). survivor – We’re used to it!) No phone. No scrolling. Lots of hugs.
- Any exercise (duh): But it doesn’t have to be Orange Theory (which works but oops). I love yoga, Pilates, or my Peloton (especially with Cody or Sam Yo), a quick HIIT training, or lifting weights with a podcast. 20 minutes works wonders.
- Quick Fun Room Makeover For my friends and family (my imaginary job – such a win/win).
- Cold Plunging or Sauna Blanket (Sorry, I still like it – always brightens my mood).
- any time in nature: Hiking, cross country, admiring waterfalls, sitting among the trees. Turns out I need trees to thrive, rain or shine.
- Reading in bed with Charlie or “girl talk” with Elliot.: It’s so easy to get them into bed, but when we take the time to get up early and connect all of our nervous systems calm down, and it’s a big love fest.
- having difficult conversations(It’s very easy to put it off but you feel great later – just do it!!!)
- helping others: Making decorations for people who need help (probably my favorite part of my job, win/win). Hoping to do even more this year (including more readers and people struggling).
- Leading team meetings with clarity and organization because I was prepared (It’s very easy for me to think that I can wing it or that we are just a well-oiled machine that doesn’t need care).
- The team retreated! (See above!) After being together for a few days we all feel very excited and committed.
- Quick Family Games After Dinner (Sometimes it seems like a lot of work TBH, but we never regret it).
- Reading and responding to blog comments (I feel very connected to you and my career, I feel part of this community, I remember why I love living here, and I immediately feel very grateful).
- With your family for a big, fun meal (Always Chaotic, Always Fun): Six cousins getting together is very heartwarming – something we never saw growing up.
- dance (Why don’t I do this more???)
- listening to music loudly And singing very loudly.
- journaling (With a heavy gratitude practice – it absolutely transforms my day).
- romance novels (or any entertaining novel): Also helps with #3. My rex here.
- Reading or listening to anything by Brené Brown, Esther Perel or Adam Grant – my heroes: I always feel empowered, empowered, and more prepared to tackle my personal challenges after spending time with them.
- family dog walks (The kids will complain, and yet we have the best conversations).
- Warm bath with face/hair mask, herbal tea or coffee (Rainy weekend mornings are best; #3 helps too). Hot water releases oxytocin (I think all of the above actually do).
It’s really a fun exercise to list them all (and I even printed them out for my daily reference). Sure, many of these things I like or don’t mind, but most of the time it’s about the good feelings that come afterward – dopamine, oxytocin, or just pride that I checked the box and made a good choice. Looking at the list, it’s clear that “connecting” is my means toward feeling “better.” I feel most “good” when I connect with my kids, my husband, my friends, my team, my pets, my family, my home, my health/body, and you. These things don’t finish me; They just fill me up. If I know all this then why do I avoid them? Why don’t I cook 2-3 of these in my meals every day??? They’re all free, and many require no more than 20 minutes!
In fact doing They are often a hindrance, aren’t they? And it’s not about “finding” the time, I know I have to find it. I have to get up from my seat and turn off my phone. So last year I started implementing Mel Robbins’ “Rocket” 5,4,3,2,1 method so that I could actually do any of the above things on a daily basis. Now, TBH, I’m not a huge fan of Mel’s (I don’t currently connect with her borderline “tough love” personality, but I can take some of what she says and apply it my way), but boy does it work for me. You just stop putting off the thing you know you should be doing and count down out loud like a rocket ship announcer, “Five! Four! Three! Two! One!” And you have to get up out of your chair, like a rocket, and do it. This is so stupid! And yet it works! Brian has caught me many times chanting this to myself at my desk, then putting on my workout clothes and forcing myself to do a 20-minute Peloton. And then, you guessed it, I feel better.
So my New Year’s resolution is to do more of the above (which has largely derailed since Thanksgiving). Choose relationships and health over scarcity, kay, Emily? Instead of having drinks with friends, offer to go for a walk with friends. Instead of tuning into a reality show full of toxic women yelling at each other, take a shower with a romance novel, then join Brian. No more wasting time scrolling till the end of the night, comparing yourself to others, just relax with a book.
Identify what makes you feel good, and do it as often as possible.
I know it works for me. I have tested it many times – and every time I am feeling better. No real problems will be solved, but I’m able to move on from it, feeling a lot happier. Life can seem overwhelming at this time, and we have very little control. It doesn’t help anyone to let SAD overwhelm us (seasonal as well as the general existential anxious feeling that can easily creep into all of us if we let it).
I would love, love, love to hear what are those simple things that make you feel good inside, what things lift you up when you’re feeling a little down (or if you just want to feel even better). Maybe for some of you it might be going out for dinner somewhere new, going to a museum and admiring art, doing DIY while listening to music, or just taking a weekend away from the city. Maybe it’s meditation and prayer. Maybe it’s the dog taking a long nap in the middle of the day. Leave them in the comments section, and it can become a great repository, a list of “good things” for any of us to turn to when we need a new idea or encouragement to feel better. Let’s hear it (and thanks so much for listening). Best wishes for 2026 🙂
Opening Image Credit: Photo by Keltin Green
