All of you. I don’t know how to describe it, but I love the design of this house. My ideas are coming fast, and they’re so funny, and I can barely contain my excitement. The other weekend, our kids were out all day, and Brian was watching college football, so I curled myself up in my bed, threw on Sullivan’s Crossing (you don’t really need to pay attention, but it feels hot), poured myself a glass of white wine, and planned the hell out of the kitchen and bathroom. By 10 pm, I was almost done with the general look and content. I was almost sad that mine was over because it was incredibly fun, and yet I liked my ideas so much that I didn’t really need/want to rethink them. Everything clicked so fast, and I was in such a flow state. I always love the beginning of a big project – the dreaming stage is full of possibilities and innovation. But the funniest ideas usually get killed due to cost and practicality. So what makes it different???
1. No one has to live here all the time. So, I don’t have to think about where my kids will keep their shoes, how well lit the kitchen should be during the winter, where we’ll watch TV, or how annoying it can be to not have a big closet or pantry. This House does not need to be practical.
Oh my god, how much fun is this? I’m not saying I would intentionally make it impractical, but I feel like I’ve “practiced” making some of the less exciting rooms in my house (which I love and honestly are a dream to live in in our house). Let me be clear – I strongly believe in practicality, especially for families and even more so when you’re spending your life’s savings on renovations. I’ve designed our home to work well for our family and dogs for decades (because if it doesn’t, the collective disappointment is on me). I still tried to do a lot of special things (an impractical kitchen island, a repurposed dresser as a vanity, old doors with old door handles that keep falling off), real marble everywhere, but I really thought about practicality for our family. Well not here!!!
2. I can choose more exciting options. One reason I often play it safe is not just because I don’t want to break things when they get old (which I don’t), but also because I get tired of seeing anything adventurous (it’s an occupational hazard), and I’m afraid to follow trends I’ll regret. So in my house or my brother’s house, I didn’t want to do anything that I would ultimately want to make more timeless (for a harder finish). I also avoid chaos all the time, including visual chaos, so keeping the color palette safe and calm really helps. My approach has always been to make it timeless and more practical over strict finishes, going crazy with the furniture/decor. I’m not saying it should be yours, and certainly some of my favorite designers go crazy with tile like this in a way that I think is very inspiring, but hold back for whatever reason.
For this house, I’m treating it like a restaurant or hotel – it’s a space that we will experience, but not spend 100% of our time inside of. More innovation, surprise, courage, excitement, because we won’t be here all day, every day.
Since we’re DIYing a lot of easy-to-do projects (painting, tiling, cabinet-building), I’m giving myself permission to do the weirder, more custom thing (if I really can do it, hahaha). For example, usually a complex tile configuration gets you into trouble with your tiler and much higher quotes/costs. This time I’m going to do something that feels really liberating – I’ll be the one who’s upset that I chose something hard, but that’s on me. This strangely seems less stressful than trying to tell a contractor and then a subcontractor that I want to do this weird job. Maybe I’ll fail at it, but then again, it’s all on me.
3. There is no time constraint. No time limit. No hurry. The irony is that I think it’s going to go faster than I originally thought, but that’s because I’m excited, not because I’m being put under external pressure to do things quickly.
4. There is no general contractor who will obviously charge a lot, and will likely tell me that my idea is weird and expensive to execute (this could very well be the case, and I could be my own worst enemy). No challah that makes me nauseous and makes me wonder if it was the right life choice. I’m pressuring my brother to become my personal consultant, but that’s different than hiring a full-time contractor. Sure, I’ll pay the subscription and buy the content, but it’s more on my terms, there’s no markup, and it’s spread out over time. I can find the lowest priced roofer in Portland if I want (I won’t), and if they don’t do a good job, it’s on me.
5. There is no disruption in our family – it simply adds value to our lives. My risks and mistakes won’t bother or affect anyone except me. What if the kids don’t like their band room? They will survive and have more patience (LOL). What if Brian doesn’t like the tile behind his urinal? I am confident that our marriage will survive.
6. We’re not opening or moving walls, which means I don’t have to figure out the right electrical plan or miss the opportunity to find plumbing for a pebble ice maker or pot filler. The constraints of rebuilding mean I don’t have as many agonizing decisions to make.
7. Brian gave me complete creative control. I had to promise that I wasn’t going to do totally weird things that I know he wouldn’t like (and remember, he’s getting his precious urinal). I promised him he could help pick out anything for the kids’ band/game room (pretty sure he just wanted to pick out a pinball machine). And listen, designing your home with your partner is never challenging when you’re a designer and he’s a man. We’ve tried different levels of involvement in different homes, and they’ve all led to a good amount of frustration and celebration on both sides. I’d love to collaborate with him in life (even after 25 years we’ve never been better), but no, not on design projects. So I begged for creative freedom on this and he hesitantly gave it. He is nervous. When I realized things didn’t need to be practical, I came out of my room screaming with excitement, which I guess made him naturally scared that I might do some extremely stupid things… I promised him that yes, there would be some unconventional, but they would be good. And don’t come at me saying “You give him too much power, shouldn’t you as a designer have the right to do what you want?” No! I mean, I understand some of you might want me to be omnipotent but we’re a 50/50 partnership, and I don’t tell him what to do or how things should go, and neither does he. It is much more fun to communicate, to compromise, and, at the same time, it avoids all the pitfalls of power imbalance, even though, yes, I am the financial supporter. Just because I make money doesn’t mean I have to make more decisions – imagine if it were the opposite. When it comes to our home, we’ve mostly done it together, and I’m also really excited to have some creative freedom in this space. Be careful, Brian! This may still become your favorite!!!
What does it all add up to?????
Low pressure.
It’s incredibly liberating. Of course, I still see the whole Internet, but I don’t know – I’ve become so accustomed to that part and have lost expectations from people who don’t know me. Of course, I want you guys to like it (I don’t consider you “Internet” – that’s Instagram). And I know that a well-designed space is best for business (good design = more partnerships + more traffic), so I can’t just do weird things that look bad on camera or fail in a few months. I’m really hoping I can get you involved in a way that you’ll feel invested. It feels exactly like a creative lab and worthy of some mom-loving fun.
I also fear that my optimism right now may change due to internal or external forces. I’ve learned that anything can happen in this game, and we can’t predict anything. So I’m moving forward with the design and feeling really excited.
I’m using a new design program!
Oh, and I’ve been using this new design program that I can’t wait to show you, but it’s making everything a lot easier. As you know, I don’t have the rendering skills that most designers have (SketchUp, AutoCAD, even Photoshop), but I signed up for SayAnd I’m having a lot of fun. There are more to come, but it’s very freeing to be able to play around with layouts, materials, and even plumbing and electrical placement yourself, without relying on your team (or an outside contractor) to make changes. Highly recommend it if you have a design project, especially if you want things to be precise and, like me, you don’t have fancy rendering skills. It is also very fun.
So what’s next?
Well, I want to dial in the design some more by using a spoke AI program to make things better. But in the meantime, I’m looking for local artists to teach me their art – not because I can actually do it, but just because I think it would be fun to learn and show you the process. So I’ll make my own tile (working with a local ceramics expert), make stained glass doors in a particular room (with a stained glass expert), and get it, build some really basic kitchen cabinetry (I definitely need a carpenter to help me with this). In the name of learning, I’m basically doing things in the most complicated way possible. So now there is no “simple but special”. This house is going to be “complex and exciting” (but not like a circus house, I promise).
Opening Image Credit: Photo by Keltin Green
