I met Chad (in 2018?) at my friend Matthew’s house in Palm Springs. I could tell right away that we had a lot in common. When you’re meeting people by a pool in the desert, you usually have silly conversations about Coachella or some random thing. So it was refreshing to talk to someone who could not only actively engage in the conversation, but also help lead it. [GASP] Ask questions. Chad’s ability to speak in complete sentences was particularly notable because he is charming. And scientifically speaking, almost all hot people are physically unable to ask questions.
Chad and I became very good friends. We’re both from Northern California. We both went to school on the East Coast and lived in New York. We’re both a weird mix of Type A perfectionist and weird artist (check out Chad’s pottery on Instagram) @panicceramic). We want things to be interesting and unique, but also perfect at all times. None of us are good at relaxing; We are both perfectionists about our homes. We both love to agonize over minute details.
As I get older, what I realize more and more is the importance of old friendships. Meeting people in LA can often feel like you’re being grown up to begin with. This has been especially difficult for me because since childhood I have always based my identity on my achievements. This is fine when I have a book or TV show coming out, but if I don’t have some blockbuster “moment” to tell someone I’m meeting, it makes me feel like a failure in my effort to make them like me and think I’m worthy.
The kids I went to high school with (I’m looking at you, Caitlin, Sarah, and Leah) know who I am and I’ve always been that way. They know that I have always been honest, hard-working, ethical and sensitive. Even before HGTV gave me a TV show, they knew I was a TV star. And they know I’m still a star because we trust each other so much. When you look at the work your friends have done to build their lives, you celebrate their accomplishments, even when they don’t have a moment to celebrate. You do it because you know their talent and heart, you’ve seen it over the years, you’ve seen it grow.
Chad came into my life when I was writing my book and producing the first season of my HGTV show “Build Me Up.” There have been various peaks and valleys in my career, and this was definitely a good peak. I worked really hard to get there, and it finally feels like my career is getting to a more stable place. Things were great until 2020, then as we know, things went off the rails. And to me, they’re quite derailed, but a little more stable than they were a year or two ago. I won’t go into it as I’ve written about it in detail my newsletterBut let’s just say that six years has been a long time (but things are getting better…finally…I think?).
It’s important to me that Chad knew me before 2020. So he sees my potential at its best rather than seeing me only through the lens of the challenges of the last six years. Chad is constantly reminding me of who I am and what I can be. He sees my skills and talents when I can’t. And that’s the best thing you can ask for from a friend.
Since 2020, Chad and I have been living parallel but opposite lives. While I’m constantly trying to invent new ways to make money to stay afloat, she’s worked in a few different (very time-consuming) corporate positions. We envy each other’s situations. I’m jealous that he lives a financially stable life where he gets to stay in one place and make his own routine. He’s jealous that I get to live life on my own terms, with my own creativity.
Chad had the hardest 2020 of anyone I know. Chad and I spent New Year’s in San Francisco with my friend Earl, an epidemiologist, who spent the entire New Year’s Eve telling us that we were all going to die from a virus that was spreading overseas. Keep in mind, we were in a sweaty dance club, and the last thing we wanted to talk about was bat disease. Despite our friend scaring us about a virus no one knew about yet, it was a fun New Year and the last semi-normal one for me.
After the holidays, Chad and I went to Tahoe to spend a few days skiing at his family’s cabin. Like my mother, his mother, Hana, also spent part of her childhood in Japan. So the house was decorated with Japanese art, just like the house I grew up in. We spent the days skiing, the afternoons sipping cocktails in the cozy, 1950s kitchen, and the evenings eating hearty, warm meals in the main living/dining space of their log cabin.
You sometimes meet people and feel like you already know them – they’re great at connecting with you and making you feel comfortable. Hana Callaghan is one of those people. An accomplished lawyer, writer and academic, she could hold a fascinating conversation with a wall. He is charming, kind, and protective of anyone who enters his territory. When I accidentally changed them (same exact skis with the same exact bindings) after using the restroom at the top of a hill in Palisades Tahoe, the rental company told me I had stolen the skis and was liable to pay for them.
“Would you like me to call them and use my scary lawyer voice to threaten them?” Hana asked me. And he may have done so because he has a fearless enthusiasm that is infectious. Chad’s parents complement each other very well. While his father had a dry but laugh-out-loud sense of humor, his mother was outwardly more energetic and conversational (meaning: she’s really smart and fun to listen to and thus dominates conversations). Those few days in Tahoe were a great little window into Chad, where his personality came from, and which personality traits came from which parents.
In January 2020, I was shooting mid-season for season two of “Build Me Up.” I wasn’t really able to meet up with friends because I didn’t have time between shooting days and doing sponsored content on vacation, but one Saturday morning, I found myself lucky enough to find time to go to the gym. Just as I was about to start my workout, I got a call from Chad.
“My mother died.”
“…What? I’m so sorry…”
I had no words. what can you say? Just a few days ago, we were at Chad’s family cabin with one of the most attractive women I’ve ever met. How could she go?
We’re not really sure what caused Hana’s death (it’s inconclusive whether it was COVID-related or not), but to say it was unexpected would be a huge understatement.
As we all know, 2020 has been a terrible year. And on top of all the COVID stuff, Chad lost the most important person in his life.
I bought my house in 2020, and Chad was the only one of my friends who didn’t have COVID when I moved, so he was stuck with moving me in. At this point we had both had the idea of buying a house in mind for years, but over the next year, he started getting more serious about buying and made 24 offers on houses that were rejected. Finally, in 2022, his 25th offer was accepted, and he was the proud owner of a two-bedroom, one-bath, 1000-square-foot Spanish bungalow.
Chad, while he has a similar mind to me when it comes to design, didn’t see the house as it was when he visited. He saw what he could make of it. The house itself is charming, but a little small to share. So he wanted to add square footage immediately, despite having relatively little space. Also, because we are millennials, we both wondered if the garage could be converted into an ADU for rental to offset some of the mortgage costs.
My plan for this post was to talk more about what we have in store for this house, but those of you who have been reading me for a while know one thing: I’m not good at brevity so today I’m asking “why?” Keep all this and our plans under wraps for the next juicy post.
One thing I’m trying to be more proactive about in my life is fostering my relationships. When you go into a crisis situation, as I have been for the last six years, you can step back. And getting back into the swing of things with friends and family takes time and energy. A practice I’ve started to repair damaged relationships is to reach out to people and suggest things we can do together. I asked my mother if she wanted me to come and clean her garden. I asked my father to help me cut the trees at my house. Sometimes you just need an activity that can serve as a platform through which you can foster a relationship with a friend or family member.
I wanted to work with Chad on his home because I know how lonely it can be trying to make a lot of design decisions on your own. It’s always better to have someone to bounce ideas off of. I also knew it would be a great excuse to communicate and stay on top of our friendship, at a time when we were both feeling a little overwhelmed to prioritize fun.
I think this house represents a lot of things for Chad. Obviously, it’s about the milestones of home ownership and the desire for permanence and home. But after her mother died it was also a needed distraction, a way to focus her energies. Chad is a solver, someone who is very uncomfortable sitting in the unknown. And from the outside, I could tell that his interest, then obsession, with buying a house intensified after Hana passed away. As a friend, I wondered, “Is this just a distraction, to divert his attention from what’s really going on?” I wondered if this would prevent some inevitable breakdown later on.
Ultimately, as I know my friend, I know that he thrives best when you set a task before him. He needs engagement. So, of all the things to do after losing your mom, there are worse things you can do than buy a house with plans to make a massive makeover. Part of my design philosophy for years, and literally the basis of my TV show, was that design is an active way to get your brain to think about the future, how you’ll take care of yourself and your family, and what’s next in life. I think home has been a healthy distraction, and I’m glad I’m a part of it.
As far as what we have in store for this house, you’re going to be very happy because it’s going to be a major transformation (I know this because we’re actually pretty far along in construction already). We will add a second floor, convert the garage into an ADU, add a good amount of square footage and respect the original Spanish style of the home. The plan is to add some modernity to this historic home without taking away from its original charm. So there will definitely be some notable design moments with some classic Spanish Revival style.
Follow along, why don’t you, and see what we have!
