My winter hibernation ended in mid-March, and this bear has woken up. January and February are famously dark and rainy here, and business is very slow, in the best of ways, so I have much-needed time to devote to care and maintenance in all aspects of my life. So here’s a little life update. I spent almost every night listening to audiobooks and podcasts, organizing and “taking inventory” of every single drawer and cupboard in the house (very happily, by the way). I went on several bonding trips to take care of my different friendship groups (and team!), we spent rainy Saturday afternoons reading by the fire in the living room with the kids (it’s so much fun that even the kids are addicted to the book series). I had big, productive conversations with my team, set goals, and made sure they felt valued and accomplished as we planned for the year (we’re finally redesigning the website and making it faster, better, and easier to navigate). Brian and I started our own newsletter, which has been a really fun thing for us to be involved with. I also exercised a lot, ate a lot of soup, slept a lot, and finally got to some doctors’ appointments I’d been putting off (colonoscopy, mammogram, heart ultrasound, new functional medicine doctor), which greatly reduced my anxiety. The point is – my January and February times are probably my best, full of peace and slowness, space and clear priorities. This is definitely helped by the dark/rainy weather here, which many people find depressing (and it is), but I think it’s necessary for proper hibernation (it makes it easier to stay home and do all of the above). So as the end of March approaches, spring break and busy season begins I get ready for it, while trying to bring along all of the above good habits that will make the rest of my life actually manageable (and enjoyable). Sure, life isn’t perfect here, but the bigger picture remains (relationships and health), so that’s what I try to focus on. But let’s get into it:
How’s Substack going?
Brian and I started off more personal and, dare I say it, intimate newsletter (New blog, basically the one you pay to read) About 2 months ago, and we’re enjoying it together. We are keeping it casual, loose and easy with very few expectations so as not to put a strain on our marriage and family. It’s a fun way to connect and I enjoy reading their posts. I usually know what he’s going to write about during his week, but I’m always very happy to find it in my inbox because he has great guy insight, perspective, and he’s a fascinating writer. In case you missed them, here’s a snapshot of what we’ve written so far:
The only therapy that works with my male brain
This was her first post, and it’s about her own therapy, called “Narrative Therapy.” He has no childhood trauma. He does not need deep psychoanalysis. He was stuck, inside a narrative he was telling himself (which we know a lot of men who do exactly the same thing), so this was about how this type of therapy completely opened him up and changed his life (and our marriage). It’s also deeply personal about marital resentments and how we’ve dealt with them.
My 10-Year-Old Wants to Start a YouTube Channel – This Is What I Told Him
This surprised me too. While writing this, I actually changed my mind and loosened my grip a bit. I was able to release some judgment (which is a complete work in progress) and come to a conclusion I’m currently comfortable with (Elliott still doesn’t agree).
What exactly is a lead parent?
Brian writes here about his journey in becoming the default or accidental lead parent, and how he’s come to accept it (but not completely, BTW). It’s about the deprogramming (and reprogramming) he had to do as a Gen X man while my career took off as we had two young children. I know this change was painful for her (she also has huge creative ambitions), and her emotional intelligence is extraordinary, if I could brag about that a little more.
The real reason there are so many mormon influencers
It got a lot of traffic because, as a former Mormon and influencer myself, I’ve thought about this for 16 years. I think there are six different reasons why Mormons took over the world of influence, some of which will absolutely surprise you (Insider). I knew it would provoke a larger conversation about the pros and cons of the church, which was not the intention of the article; I stuck to the thesis. I could write an entire book about my experience growing up in the church and then leaving. This is just about why I think Mormon influencers do so well (why does it come so naturally??). This is an interesting phenomenon that challenges patriarchy from within, filled with immense irony, as women have emerged as the breadwinners in many families.
You can’t pronounce minivan without man
This was a very hilarious and enlightening essay on masculinity by Brian, as the proud (but apparently not so proud) owner of a minivan (it was his idea, I promise!). You know this stereotype about how some men compensate for their insecurities by driving big muscle cars? Well, it’s the opposite. Can any man really be comfortable driving a minivan? This is what he explores.
Three Things We Do When We Start Feeling Like Roommates
A lot of people relate to this, because it’s pretty much inevitable in long-term monogamy. We’ve been together for 25 years, so this has reared its head in many seasons of our lives (especially with kids). It still happens, but these are our tools to fix it fast when it happens.
I went to a fancy acting school that put us in debt of $100k. was it worth it?
Brian went to the NYU Tisch Graduate Acting Conservatory for three years. We’ve talked about this a lot over the last 20 years, but now as a parent I was really curious with kids coming off to college in the near future, is this something that we would recommend and support for our own kids and others, or not. To know this you will have to read this.
We have officially banned all online porn and gambling for the safety of our children. Here’s how and why.
Our kids don’t have phones yet, but we have so many here that I wanted to make sure they didn’t stumble upon anything inappropriate and expose our kids to dangerous things at this critical developmental stage. This is how I did it (it wasn’t just a hopeful conversation).
A voyeur’s guide to our week
This was for all of you who want to see another family’s life play out. who does what? What does an average Tuesday after school look like at our house? Carpool, who makes dinner and how much screentime do our kids actually get? (More than we want to admit). What activities are our kids into right now?
I have 6 years to raise a good man
This was an excellent essay as a response to the Manosphere documentary on Netflix, which was the latest wakeup call for Brian when it comes to teenage boys and the Internet. Maybe we’re being cautious here, but even on the safe side, there are some things he wants to do differently and better to ensure that Charlie (as a privileged white prospector) knows how to treat and respect all people (including women). It starts at home, friends.
Our Spring Break Recap! 8 days in Tulum and Cancun
We wrote this on the plane ride home, so it was very refreshing (with plain wine). This was a different trip for us and probably our kids’ favorite (and yet we would have done a few things differently). We really feel lucky to be able to take our kids on any vacation and do first experiences (like parasailing) with them. Lots of good acquaintances 🙂
Any interesting thing related to business?
There are years when I wonder how long the Internet will last me (causing my career to spiral), but I’m happy to say this isn’t one of them, and I’m still feeling really excited to be here and continue doing what we love. I was nervous to invest again in rebuilding/redesigning the blog (a total expense of 50k), I had no idea where AI and media were going. But it feels really good to do this without worrying about all the unknowns. There’s a community here that we love so much, and while everything we write will be scraped and republished by AI, this gives us a new challenge to create content with our expert perspectives, personal anecdotes, real-life scenarios and human opinions. And all of these things are my favorite things to write about anyway. We know thank you all so much for being here and keeping coming back, so thank you 🙂
Any fun projects?
Oh yes. Remember when I said, “How slow are January and February?” Well, I’m so glad the older and wiser version of me slowed it down instead of trying and scrambling to fill extra time and make money (or I would be drowning right now, which I would have been had I been older, I promise!). We’re starting some big design projects right now that need to be completed by the summer. A kitchen for my sister, a tiny house for one partner, and a cozy living room makeover for the other partner. Additionally, we have the guest cottage which is a more fun project that I’m learning to find time for (it’s hard when there are no deadlines, y’all, and the kids love to “hang out with me!” at 4 p.m.). We also have a few friends and family projects (some sponsored, some not), another renovation coaching client, and a lot of one-time content creation partnerships that we have to work into the schedule. I’m learning to “block productivity” to give myself enough time to get into creative flow (think no meetings or shooting at least 2 days a week so Gretch, Marlee and I can really lock in). Say and make design decisions or create social content). I’ve probably designed 400 rooms in my career, so I know I have the ability to handle a lot and work fast, but I can’t do it in 1/2 hours here and there, which causes serious burnout. We could also rent a house and go away for two days (2 weeks in a row) to see if we can complete most of the details without any other distractions.
My favorite role is continuing to do this with my team, my support, everything I do for you all. Going out for spring break with my kids, knowing that I don’t have to think about blogs, social media, and my colleagues means a lot to me. Knowing that these women do their work so carefully, and that the system is clearly working, makes me feel so, so, so safe and happy. I know it’s probably weird to hear that I was out of the country for a week while stories show I’m in Portland doing outdoor makeovers, but it’s the only way for me to run a business (with pre-taped partnerships that have to go live) while also spending personal time with my family, separate from the feed. I would sometimes come over and watch stories like a follower, and was very happy to see what I was doing 🙂 Of course, I always know what is going to happen (I have everything written and approved in advance, and we have an approval system if I miss something), but at the same time a lot of what happens is more in the moment and is very fun to watch. I am really very lucky.
Ask me anything in the comments. I’d love to do more AMAs, so we’ll collect questions if you throw them out there and I’ll answer them soon. xx
